It all came crashing down last week. I was okay with the kids at school saying, "Mark sensei, your nose is so tall!" and "Do all Americans have noses like yours?" in shocked, fairground-freakhouse, tones. But last week when a kid asked me, "Mark sensei, how many centimeters is your nose"...and then proceeded to remove his ruler from his desk...that was enough.
Okay Hiroki at Joto Elementary school, 2nd grade 3rd class, and all your freaky nose crazy friends....here it is.
My nose is 4.1 centimeters long from bridge to tip. And approximately 4.0 centimeters out from my face. Why is it so big? I'm glad you asked. Because in the early 20th century there was a traveling Jewish doctor passing through my great grandmother's town. I don't know what kind of medicine he was selling...but she must have liked it. 9 months later there was a baby with doomed genes and the Jewish doctor had hit the dusty trail. Yeah, thats right. I'm jewish....a big 1/16th of me and its all in my nose.
But there is something else you say? Why, you are quite right! The bridge of my nose actually slants to the left at a 15 degree angle. This is the product of my friend Mr. Clay Steves punching me in the face with a left hook in a freak Theatre practice accident....the account of which is legendary.
So there. A Jewish Doctor, A Drama Victim.....A Survivor. This nose is not merely an awkward piece of facial tissue. It's a warrior with a story. Learn it. Respect it.
6 comments:
That is a friggin' big nose! What a Hebrew Honker!
Lj
i have an idea. how bout one day when we all grow up and settle down--er, when i grow up and settle down-- we live close to each other and all be friends? because i miss you guys a lot. i think we would have fun being friends. don't you? good post by the way :)
I believe that would be your great, great grandmother, and may not have made the 20th century. Maybe late 19th? You'll have to check that with Aunt Karen. If noses draw that much attention, perhaps I should think twice about coming to Japan seeing how I'm the passer of the doomed genes. I understand plastic surgery is much cheaper in Brazil. I could save my money for that. We have to live strong, Mark. God has given us much to overcome.
Hahahahahahaha!
hey mark barneche -- mat edwards from emhs here. glad to see you're doing well. congrat's on all you've got going for you.
Well, as Mark so eloquently stated....yes, I redirected MAB's nose a minimal 15 degrees. Now, for the record, I was trying to just break off the tip of his nose, and if I had succeeded, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. But alas, all I did was reangulize (how about that mess of a made up word) Mr. Barneche's nose. At least he won't ever be able to forget me, cause I stare back at him everytime he looks in the mirror. I miss you Miguel. cheers
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